my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
