okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
