The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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