had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
