Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
