The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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