THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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