Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
