Need sex. Gaining weight.
it hurts more in the daytime
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
