I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
