C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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