I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
