my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
