shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
