WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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