69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
