I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
