you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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