for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We talked him into tasing himself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
