He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
