They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
