You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
