If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
