Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
