Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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