Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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