You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
