If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
