Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
