Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
