so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
