He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
