Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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