I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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