My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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