Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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