Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
