i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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