got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
