I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
