I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
