Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
