M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
