I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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