theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
