bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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