Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
