I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
