hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
