I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize