I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did i walk over a car last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
