Don't you send me to vm
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
