So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
