I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
