Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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