i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
