week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
