well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
