just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
