remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
