He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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