Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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