God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
