its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
