i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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