**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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