I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
