so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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