I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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