fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
