I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
