How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
