I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
