it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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